Birthday Visit with Old Friends

A little over 12 years ago in a land far away, we met an amazing group of people. We came from different walks of life—military personnel, contractors, and locals—but each week, we gathered together like a family. Our ‘family’ meals were a chance to relax, share stories, and enjoy each other’s company during a time when we were all far from home. For some, it was the only ‘family’ interaction they had during their time in Bahrain.

Fast forward to this year, and two of my favorite people from that unforgettable group came to visit. Though their stay was short, it was such a sweet reunion, packed with laughter, food, and memories.

We kicked off the visit with a trip to Babe’s Chicken Dinner House in Roanoke, Texas, a spot that had been on their restaurant bucket list. And let me tell you—Babe’s did not disappoint. The original location, with its cozy charm, offers a simple but mouthwatering menu: chicken-fried steak, fried chicken (three pieces!), or chicken tenders. The meal comes with a side of salad, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and the softest, fluffiest biscuits you can imagine—all served family style. As we dug into our plates, we caught up on life, reminisced about old times - there’s something about shared food that makes everything feel like home.

Afterward, we went next door to the Oak Street Pie Company, a family-run bakery that’s been serving up sweet treats since 2006. We couldn’t resist getting a slice (or three) of their signature pies: Mexican Hot Chocolate Pie, Key Lime Pie, and Chocolate Cream Pie. Talk about a sugar rush!

But the night didn’t end there. A visit to Fort Worth wouldn’t be complete without a stop at Buc-ee’s—because really, everyone needs to experience Buc-ee’s at least once. Whether it’s the endless rows of snacks or the cleanest bathrooms in the world, Buc-ee’s is an experience all its own. After a quick pit stop, we headed to the house where our friends would be staying during their visit.

It was a busy first day, and after a long day of travel, they were ready for rest. But not before the guys made plans for an adventure the next day.

Thursday was my birthday, and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate than with friends by my side. While Nancy and I worked, the guys went off to Dallas to visit the grassy knoll and explore the Dallas Museum of Art. We wrapped up the day with a visit to Hard 8 BBQ for dinner—one of my favorite spots. There’s something about great barbecue and good company that makes any occasion feel special. Surrounded by loved ones, we shared stories, laughed, and just enjoyed being together. It was a birthday spent exactly how I wanted—surrounded by the people who mean the most, reflecting on how far we’ve come, and savoring the little moments that matter.

Nancy and I both worked on Friday (somebody has to, lol), while Stephen and Yosef went off on adventures once again. They went back to Buc-ee’s, made a stop at Costco, and even checked out a few antique and thrift stores. We all met up for some Tex-Mex for dinner and ended the evening with a cake shake at Portillo’s for dessert. The perfect way to keep the celebration going!

View fullsize

Saturday brought even more fun, as we ventured out to the Fort Worth Stockyards and caught a true Texas experience—the rodeo! There’s something about the energy of a live rodeo that makes you feel like you’re right in the heart of the Lone Star State. We watched cowboys and cowgirls show off their skills, cheered on the rodeo clowns, and soaked in all the action. Afterward, we witnessed the famous longhorn cattle drive, tried on a few cowboy hats, and Yosef had his picture taken with one of the longhorns. It’s the kind of day that makes you feel like a true Texan.

We capped off the day with a home-cooked meal —grilled picanha, roasted Brussels sprouts, and a slice of Texas chocolate sheet cake. We laughed, reminisced, and savored the moment—because sometimes, it’s the simplest things that leave the most lasting impressions.

As I reflect on these days spent with friends, I’m reminded of something that’s become clearer especially over this past year: it’s not the grand gestures that make life meaningful, but the quiet, everyday moments shared with people who matter. We might be scattered across different states and countries, but the bonds we formed over a decade ago remain as strong as ever.

It’s easy to let time and distance separate us from those we care about. So, here’s to the friends who feel like family, to the shared meals, and to the memories that remind us we’re never really that far apart.

Love you guys, and thank you for making this birthday extra special!

Unwanted Patterns

This past week I was thinking back about all that has happened in our family, medical wise, and it seems every four years a bomb is dropped on our family. The word oncology is not foreign to our family. When we arrived back in the states from being overseas, I made appointments for health checkups for Stephen and myself; and to our surprise one of Stephen’s labs came back abnormal. I love to be able to see our labs and reports online, however, sometimes this can be detrimental if you are prone to google. I was able to research the abnormality and knew what it was before we saw the doctor, again Google is not always your friend. In 2016, Stephen was diagnosed with MGUS which is a precursor to Multiple Myeloma - it is a blood cancer and the same cancer that took his Aunt Pat. He sees an oncologist yearly as well as a kidney doctor. I remember sitting at the restaurant after learning all of this and literally could not breathe thinking of losing my best friend. I dread each year when it is time for the labs and his appointment to see if any are abnormal and what the doctor will say. Thankfully, it has not progressed and is still dormant.

Fast forward to fall of 2020, and our sweet daughter is diagnosed with Triple Negative IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma) breast cancer. She found the lump three months after an ‘all clear’ checkup. This is why it is so important to do self exams as well as imaging. Her whole world was turned upside down with one phone call. She endured chemo to shrink ‘Arnold’, her tumor as she so loving named it, and then a double mastectomy with immediate DIEP reconstruction. Her journey lasted over two years with multiple surgeries and many issues. We were reminiscing earlier this week about a vacation we took to Destin two years ago and how short her hair was then. Imagine a short, poodly pixie hairstyle - she hated it and her hair has finally grown out and is now way past her shoulders. She has now graduated to once a year scans and bloodwork to monitor her cancer. She is still in remission and will continue to have her cancer monitored for clearance.

Now, it is 2024, and on Stephen’s birthday, of all days, I found a small lump under my arm near my right breast. I remember walking in to Lauren’s office, shutting her door and asking her check it. She looked at me and said, “nope, not today ma’am. We are not doing this” - not meaning she wouldn’t do it, she just knew what ‘it’ could mean and did not want to imagine that reality. We both thought it was not any more than a bug bite, but she told me to call our gynecologist and have it checked out anyway to be certain. It seemed so inconsequential, I almost canceled my appointment twice before being seen. That inconsequential lump turned out to be so much more than a bug bite and has totally rocked our world one more time. It led to a whirlwind of events - appointments, exams, biopsies, MRIs, CTA scans, then ultimately my own double mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction. There seems to be a pattern for our family every four years and I am praying over 2028 to just be a normal, boring year.

The reality of these events is slowly sinking in, and I have less surreal days wondering if this is all still real. Your mind has a funny way of protecting yourself, shielding events and emotions to help you make it through one more day. Some days, it is easy to forget that almost six months ago I had major surgery and looking at me, you would not know my body is still healing. Yes, you see a skinnier me but you do not see the struggles that are going on on the inside - both mentally and physically. Heck, I even think I can still do things that I probably should not be doing. All three of the wounds on my left hip healed up nicely right before Thanksgiving; however, this week two of three spots reopened again. I think my body misread the memo of closing all wounds for my birthday and instead did the opposite. To say that I am over this is an understatement. Lauren thinks I am doing too much, so I am going to try to scale back to really let my body heal. The rest of the year there will be a lot of resting and doing only what is necessary to really allow my body to heal.

Our Legacy

Stephen and I have known each other since 8th-9th grade roughly 40+ years, and married for over 34 years. During that time, we have lived in 5 states, 2 countries, and have raised 4 amazing children. We have so many memories and stories, however, the greatest part of our story is our children. We have six amazing children and 5 grandchildren with one on the way! In 2018, the kids gift to us for Christmas was a family portrait. So much has changed since that picture - we have added two grandchildren, been through two cancers and felt it was time for an update.

It was quite the time trying to find a Saturday that everyone had open and available, however, we finally nailed one down, and even Stephen’s brother and his boys came to join in the fun. My whole heart is in these pictures and I hope you enjoy them as much as I do

testing

Time Together

We have always believed in dating and spending time together. During these past few months, finding those moments away from the house have been few - mostly because life is tiring right now and honestly it is just easier staying home. This past week I had a lymphatic massage that focused on the abdominal incision to help with the fat necrosis or scar tissue issues (unsure which they are). She also used these massage boots for my legs and feet for my swelling issues. While it was not a full body massage, it helped tremendously and she also showed me how to do the massage myself. I had never had a lymphatic massage so in my mind, I was thinking it would be an all over massage, which I have not had since prior to my surgery so I had really been looking forward to this; however, this is more of a physical therapy massage dedicated to focus on problem areas. Knowing we both needed some TLC, I decided to plan a date day for us this Saturday. Thankfully I was able to get all the reservations scheduled.

First stop was PJs Coffee in N Richland Hills for a coffee flight. I am in a group on Facebook called Fort Worth Foodies and someone mentioned their coffee flight and beignets. Um, hello, you had me at beignets! We both chose two different coffees, two hot and two cold and placed our order. PJs had comfy couches so we settled in and waited for our order. The hot coffees were Butter Rum and Cookie Butter - both were delicious! The cold coffees were cold brews - Jingle Bells and Santas Blend. We preferred the hot coffees, however, we would definitely go back for the beignets - it made me miss NOLA!

He is very ticklish! We all laugh when the torture begins, well all, but Stephen 

Next, we went to our favorite salon for a pedicure. Pedicures has a place in our monthly budget. I believe self care is important and it is time spent together as well. I was able to secure our favorite techs, Tiffany and Linda, for our reservation. Linda had been on vacation so Stephen has had different techs during her vacation, we loved hearing her stories of her travels and were glad she had time away. He definitely was glad to have her back though!

Not wanting to do a massage on an empty stomach, I once again looked to Fort Worth Foodies to the rescue for lunch. Someone had recommended Hush Sushi in Keller. They have a patio for outside seating as well sushi bar and tables. We had Shishito peppers and BaoBao (braised pork belly, cucumber, scallions with bao bun) for our appetizers. Stephen loves Shishito peppers and they did not disappoint. I had never had BaoBao and was glad to venture out and try something new. The bread and sauce were a little sweet, and the pork belly was tender and very flavorful. Stephen, of course, for his meal ordered sushi and I had a Crazy Ami roll and chicken fried rice. This is definitely a restaurant we would choose again.

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

Now, we were off to our couples massage. This by far is my favorite part of today though, honestly, I was a little apprehensive. I have trouble laying on my sides, and have not laid on my stomach at all since my surgery and was unsure of how I would handle the pressure. One of my DIEP flap groups on Facebook recommended using a massage breast pillow. OMG - I do not know who came up with this design but it made my experience quite enjoyable. I did not have any difficulties with pressure on my chest area or along my incision. We love having couples massages and I was glad for him to be able to have a some self care to help relieve some of the stress of the past year. We left feeling very relaxed and ready for a nap.

Date days are my favorite, though really any day spent together is my favorite thing to do! Make sure you take time for yourself and time together with your partner. It is important to spend time together to cultivate your relationship.

Have a blessed week

~ deandra

Finding my way

We are six months out to the day that I found my ‘lump’, and almost five months out from surgery. Everything looks ‘normal’ yet I am still healing on the inside. To the average person, you probably would not notice anything different, except when you see my stand up as I am a little slower than usual. The knots in my incision still give me issues; however, the days are becoming easier with movement, only a little tightness in the abdomen (this can last up to a year). The ‘foobs’ are doing great, and only have pain in them every now and again. The left hip is still giving me grief as it is not completely healed, but slowly we are getting there. There were three holes in total, now just two, so we are making progress. I am hoping to have this part done before Thanksgiving or at least my birthday - that would be a great present to myself! And I actually wore a pair of leggings this past weekend, and was able to wear them all day without too many issues. It is the little things! Who knew I would miss wearing pants so much.

I know it has been a couple of weeks since I have posted. I look at my computer, and think, I really need to fire it up and journal this week. And then I find a dozen other reasons not to because when I sit down and gather my thoughts, it brings up all the memories and the what if’s of this journey, and to be honest, it is difficult to sit there amongst it all. Journaling is a healing process, yet at the same time a struggle. Stephen asked me last night how I was, and my response was I am surviving. I could tell by his response that he was not happy with that answer; however, that was the honest truth. Some days I just want to scream and cry because I am tired - physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are days, I do just that…I cry and let it out, or I sing really loud to my music to push through it. Music is more than sound; it’s a vibration that resonates with the very core of our being. It speaks the language of the soul, stirring forgotten memories and evoking emotions too complex for speech. There are times when no advice or conversation will help, but hearing that one song sometimes is all that is needed to extend a lifeline to help you breathe and feel yourself again. So if you see my jamming along in the car - join in or just ignore me because sometimes you need a good jam session to make your day better.

It is messy, the space in between. The diagnosis and first surgery chapter is closed, and now you are in recovery and waiting for the next part. I am trying to move forward, yet I almost feel stuck as I need the last of the puzzle pieces to come together so we can hopefully close the surgery chapter for good. The waiting can be very hard, and February seems so far off, yet the year is almost over. Still unsure how it is already November. I have a second opinion with a specialist in December. I am wanting a few answers that I feel my current oncologist is unable to provide, so we are headed to MD Anderson to see Dr. Mouabbi and possibly transfer care to him.

I am finding this part of the journey is for healing and waiting; and I am slowly learning that it is okay to be in this space right now. Healing isn’t about the clock or calendar, it’s about choosing to keep going, no matter how slow, one moment at a time. I will try to not to wait so long for the next post. Have a beautiful week and enjoy each moment!

Much love,

Deandra

Anger Stage

As I sit here drinking my coffee and sharing my thoughts, I realize I am angry. I am angry at what all has been taken from me and my family. My body, my peace of mind, and my confidence have all been effected and I am trying each day to combat each of those and have a more positive outlook.

My body, to me, is mutilated - I have mounds where my breasts used to be with circles instead of an areola or nipples. Now with clothes on they look normal but underneath tells a different story. I am very fortunate as mine have not rejected anything or had an infection. The left breast tried to give us issues along the lower incision as it was taking a little longer to heal; however it is finally smoothing out. I long for the end of next year when I can tattoo them and cover up the scars and find a way to accept them as they are. The incision that stretches from hip to hip actually does not bother me as much. The setbacks I am having are frustrating and bring me down right now more than anything else. We are coming into Fall where pants are worn more. I am having hard time wearing pants currently because of the issue of the open incision and the necrosis along the incision line as well. Anything that constricts that area causes pain. So you will more than likely see me in dresses, skirts or my new favorite OVERALLS! I have found some cute ones and love them! I am having to outfit a whole new wardrobe, something you do not really think about during all of this.

I had to fight with the insurance company last week. I was trying to refill my last bottle of Tamoxifen, and they stated for insurance to cover it, I would have to transfer it to a different pharmacy AND get a new 90 day prescription. I see my oncologist next month to see if I will be staying on this medication or moving to a different estrogen blocker. I told the insurance company they are basically wanting me to spend more money to get the 90 day refill which I may or may not need, plus switch my prescription to a different pharmacy that may or may not have the brand that I have to take. I called around to several different pharmacies as I already know that I cannot take the Aurobindo brand (or the Mayne brand because it uses the same fillers), and literally every pharmacy around me and CVS Caremark dispenses both of those brands. I finally found a pharmacy that had the Mylan brand, and with the goodRX coupon it will only cost me $20 out of pocket. It was important to me to make sure that I kept the side effects as minimal as possible, even though I knew there would be side effects that I would have to combat like possible mood swings, fatigue, hot flashes, and my least favorite weight gain. However, I have worked hard over the past two years to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself. And then BAM, cancer decides to rear its ugly head. Right now, I have to fight twice as hard to keep the weight off and find a way to combat the swelling it causes. I weigh almost every morning, and most days I feel so defeated because right before all of this I almost made it to one of my goals I had set for myself. I am trying hard not to let the scale have control over my feeling good or bad about myself. I am learning that this is a process, and that with time, I will get there again. It is something I have been researching and working on to find the right answer. As not only do I have to watch what I am eating for possible weight gain, I also have to look at the ingredients to see if there is something that A - interacts with the medication I am taking and B - is there anything that is not recommended due to my cancer being driving by hormones. For example, Turmeric is a wonderful supplement; however, it will negate the effects of my medication so I cannot take it and foods to avoid for estrogen positive breast cancer are citrus fruits, meats with hormones added, milk, and a few others.

I find that music helps my peace of mind because it is wonderful medicine for me. It can totally change my mood for the good or the bad and speaks to my soul. Prior to all of this, I was an avid Audible user and listened to several books a month, not as much as Stephen, but still managed to finish a book a week. During all of this, I found it difficult to quiet my mind and music was my comfort. However, lately, I am finding it easier to listen to my books, which means my mind is lessening the thoughts of worry. I saw my breast surgeon this past week and when she told me that she would see me again in six months, I point blank asked her why. She stated because we cannot guarantee that we can (or did) get everything and you still need to be monitored for reoccurrence. I felt like she hit me with a ton of bricks, as reoccurrence seems to always be in the background screaming at me. Even though right now we are technically in the clear for breast cancer, it remains a cloud overhead, a constant reminder of a potential threat. People callously assume that because the surgery is done that everything is good, no worries, however, this is the farthest from the truth. Like a soldier in the combat zone, we have to constantly be on vigil, even though no bullets are currently flying, there is always the threat of a loaded gun lurking in the shadows.

Global Lobular Breast Cancer Awareness Day

October 15th is Global Lobular Breast Cancer Awareness Day and is to shine a spotlight on the 15% of breast cancer diagnoses each year that are lobular. Lobular Breast Cancer is the 2nd most common type of breast cancer with over 46,000 women diagnosed each year in the US, but it receives less than1% of breast cancer research funding and has no specific treatment. It is a distinct type of breast cancer that may not form a lump, so is often missed on mammograms and diagnosed later when tumors are larger.

Our Marathon

These past few weeks have been a struggle. I cannot seem to find my way through the path I am on right now. They say that Cancer is a marathon, not a race and to pace yourself. I keep remembering back to the beginning and how fast everything seemed to be happening - mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy all the same day - this typically does not happen this way. I was very fortunate, and then for the results. Is it Cancer? Is it something else? I had the whole weekend to ponder and think of the what if’s but already knowing in my mind what the answer was and the storm that was coming. I was being thrown into a marathon that I had not signed up for and desperately wanted not to join. But here I am, here we are in this race.

I had some idea of what to expect next as I had watched my daughter tackle this part of the race. I had a surgeon, plastic surgeon and oncologist all lined and ready for the handoff. It is different when you are a spectator watching the race, offering support and cheering them on; so many things you thought you knew about the race but really had no clue. Now I find myself on the other side wearing the ILC jersey, making sure I have the right attire for this particular part of the journey, i.e. are we eating the right foods, getting enough sleep, do we have enough medical supplies on hand. I am trying to find my pace, sometimes speeding up then realizing I need to slow to a nice and steady pace but so badly want the race to end. We are still in the healing phase and I was reminded of this again last week. I had finally reached a point where NO extra bandages were needed and everything was closed up. And just where I was getting to the point of celebrating, my body said nope, just kidding, and we are back in needing to dress wounds. My left hip which has had no issues this entire time decided it was feeling left out and wanted to join in the fun. I have a small hole that has decided to open up along the incision line and we are now having to dress it twice a day. I, at least, can celebrate the fact that I no longer have to wear extra padding, extra panties to keep everything in place and I no longer have to wear a bra (that is celebratory in and of itself)! We will get through this part, it is just a little frustrating.

Someone in my group said that Cancer can be the best teacher and best journey. You need to pace yourself, take that vacation or spend more time doing the things you love. I realize that this is truly only the beginning of the marathon and I need to slow down, breathe and focus. I will find my way eventually. I just need to take it one day at a time.

Have a beautiful week,

Love, Deandra

In October…

October is breast cancer awareness month. The color pink is everywhere! For many women in my groups, the posts and advertisement irritates them. They see so many companies trying to capitalize on this disease without giving back or helping to find a cure. Some women also have a hard time because it brings back all of the memories associated with their diagnosis and treatment. I choose to see it as awareness, helping remind everyone to have their screening done and to also do monthly self exams. My daughter’s cancer was found 3 months AFTER an examination by her doctor because she did monthly self exams. Knowing your body is so very important. Unsure how to do a proper self breast exam? BreastCancer.org has a 5 step How To for Self Breast Awareness.

Have you had your yearly mammogram? Do you have dense breasts? As of this year, radiologists will have to report the degree of density in your breasts. This is a good thing because highly dense breast tissue is considered a risk factor for developing breast cancer. Dense breast tissue can make mammograms harder to interpret. Talk with your provider and ask if you should have a diagnostic mammogram, MRI or ultrasound instead of a regular mammogram. In the United States, 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. It is the second most common type of cancer for women, following skin cancer.

Diagnostic mammograms are not always covered by insurance or require you to pay part of your deductible and can be for so many quite expensive. Do you or someone know need help in obtaining a diagnostic mammogram? There are a number of places that may offer free or low-cost diagnostic mammograms, including: 

• National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (NBCCEDP): This program from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) provides free or low-cost mammograms to low-income, uninsured, or underserved women. You can contact your local health department or call the CDC at 1-800-CDC-INFO (1-800-232-4636) for more information. 

• National Breast Cancer Foundation: This foundation offers grants for free mammograms and diagnostic services to people with low income, no insurance, or limited insurance coverage. You can search the foundation's National Mammography Program to find facilities near you. 

• American Breast Cancer Foundation (ABCF): This foundation offers screenings and diagnostic tests for people without insurance. You can call the foundation at 1-844-219-2223 or email info@abcf.org to apply for assistance. 

• Local health departments, hospitals, and women's centers: These organizations may offer free or low-cost mammograms. 

• Breast Cancer Awareness events: These events may offer free or reduced-cost mammograms to low-income and uninsured people. 

• Federally Qualified Health Centers: You can contact a local Federally Qualified Health Center for help. 

• Healthcare professionals: You can ask a healthcare professional about patient assistance programs or help locating a program. 

Please call and make an appointment for your mammogram - do not delay!

Have a beautiful week ~

Much Love,

Deandra

Revision vs Revised Perspective

We saw the plastic surgeon this past Thursday. I have been looking forward to this appointment all month. This is when we were to discuss phase 2 which for me would mean doing what he thought needed for the breasts - symmetry and maybe a lift, and also discussing cleaning up of the necrosis in my abdominal incision. On each of my breasts, there is a lollipop scar where they took the nipple and areola. I thought that these would be removed, but he said that they would stay, which surprised me. I was under the impression they draw those in and take that part out, but apparently I was wrong, maybe it is because I am not having nipples done. He said they could do a tattoo of an areola but I really do not want that as I will eventually get a tattoo over both breasts, and I also don’t see the point since there are no nipples. We also talked about needing to remove the necrosis tissue (I have 3 areas along my incision) that need to be removed. These cause pain when going from a sitting to standing position or if I move a certain way, and they also protrude along the incision and make it difficult to wear pants/jeans. He really wants to wait 4-6 months for my body to properly heal so that we do not have any issues like we did with the original reconstruction. So, that means the surgery will not take place until February of next year. My heart sank when he mentioned this, and I am sure as I nodded with understanding and even said out loud, I understand, my eyes told the true story. I mean, I get it, I do, my body needs to heal on the inside COMPLETELY before we go in and fix the issues but that is not what I wanted to hear. I really want this phase to be done and over. I let myself feel the feelings of being sad over this news and then I moved on. I cannot change this outcome and so I felt there is no need to dwell on it after acceptance of it.

Since my lab work still states premenopausal, I am on Tamoxifen for my hormone therapy medication. I started taking this medication earlier this month, and let me tell you the side effects are no joke. There are 7 different brands/manufacturers for this drug. They all use different filler ingredients to make it. My first prescription was filled with Aurobindo, which is the most common, however, it has 8 extra fillers and the side effects were awful. Side effects from these drugs since their goal is to put you in to menopause are hot flashes, weight gain, bone and muscle pain, memory loss and a few others. With this particular brand, I experienced mild hot flashes (so grateful for this). It made my feet swell. I also had extreme exhaustion, flu like symptoms in my legs (all day), tailbone pain, bruised bone pain in the knuckle of one of my fingers, confusion and not being able to remember if I did certain tasks or not. I called my local pharmacy and asked what band they used which is Mylan (only 6 of the possible 15 fillers). I started taking the new brand this past week - oh the difference. While I am still tired, the extreme exhaustion is gone - it was so bad that I would struggle with driving and wanting to pull over and just sleep. The flu like symptoms are not as severe, the tailbone pain is subsiding and easing up, and the confusion and memory issues are gone. I am older so yes, there are still some memory issues (my kids will laugh at this and agree) but nothing like I was experiencing earlier this month. I am considering contacting a compounding pharmacy and having them make this drug without all of the fillers - I mean, seriously, why do they add all of this junk in there? I have also learned that taking this medication at dinner time helps in me not being so tired during the day. I am still struggling with the weight gain, thankfully right now only 5-6 pounds but when you have been trying to lose for over a year and struggled even then, this can be very frustrating. So I am even more vigilant about the types of foods we eat - nothing processed, minimal to no sugar, okay, only Stephen’s homemade cinnamon swirl banana bread - it is sooo good! But we are very careful in what we buy and make sure it is more natural and fresh. I have also started walking every morning before work and it helps with the stiffness and muscle aches.

I meet with the breast surgeon for follow up this coming week and then with my oncologist in November for new blood work and to discuss the medication.

Can you believe September is over? Crazy how fast this year has come and gone!

Much love,

Deandra

Morning reflections

As I sit here this morning waiting for my coffee to finish brewing, I think back over the past four months and the changes we have endured together. There is the innocence phase where you are unaware of anything different going on and you are living life normally. You are making plans and preparations, then you find something that is not quite right and stops you dead in your tracks. Then you have the call or the reading of your results in the portal (at least for me) - this is where things change and you get your diagnosis. In this stage, you are unaware of what is coming but you know life will never be the same. This is when you can experience anxiety, panic and worry wondering what the next steps will be - will I have chemo, radiation, what type of surgery will be recommended. To be honest, I did not dwell too much on chemo, if I needed it then I would face it head on, my true worry was for radiation and would my plastic surgeon accept me and do the surgery (he has a very strict BMI guideline and I was borderline). Then you receive your course of action. For me, it was surgery with reconstruction, then I learned that I did not need radiation nor chemo and would only be put on hormone blockers. Right now, I am in the recovery phase. You are focused on recovery and not much of anything else. We are making sure that everything is completely healed for the next surgery. Once all the surgeries are complete, then we will start life on this new path. However, I still have tiny moments where I forget the journey we have been on the past few months, and in that fleeting moment I do not have cancer, my body has not been mutilated and life is normal - then reality slaps me in the face and I am brought back to our ‘new norm’. It looks the same from the outside, however, if you really look closely you will see the subtle yet drastic differences.

I went back to the office a week and a half ago. Someone at work commented on how I do not seem ‘myself’ and I have thought about that comment most of this week. My diagnosis is still young and fresh. I have had my surgery and I am definitely on the healing and recovery track, but emotionally and mentally it is still raw. It is talked about a lot in my groups, how this diagnosis brings on a period of grief, and life will never be the same again. You have to grieve and learn how to navigate this new path you are on without any true set of directions. Yes, mine was caught early and for that I am extremely grateful as well as not having to have chemo (although that brings relief and guilt, which both are valid); however, life will never be the same again. While I was diagnosed with what they call an ‘early stage’ and is a great prognosis, the toothpaste is out of the tube so to speak and cannot be shoved back in. It is harder for people to see and understand, because you may look great on the outside but so much more is going on that cannot be seen. To be honest, I am not myself, and I am not certain I will ever be that same girl before cancer - I can almost with certainty say that I will not be the same version of her. My focus is different as are my goals in life. I live life right now in the moment making the best of every day with a fear of reoccurrence. It is always there lurking and peering its ugly head in my face. Because my breast cancer is estrogen positive, I have to make sure that I am not feeding the cancer, so I have a list of foods and supplements that are not recommended as they pose a risk of raising the estrogen which can bring back the cancer. I also have a running of list of certain foods and supplements that interfere with the hormone blocker I am on, and is quite the list so far and things you would not think would cause issues but they do.

Life of late has been exhausting, not necessarily physically but oh so mentally and emotionally. I play this song by Ben Rector almost daily, Living My Best Life. Music helps me so much and literally speaks to my soul. I will put the lyrics at the bottom and a link for the song. So much of this song resonates with me right now and I love his music. So if you see me and I do not seem the same or a little off, I ask for some grace during this time as we navigate our new norm and find our way.

Much Love,

Deandra

Living My Best Life - Song by Ben Rector

This house is now a litany
Things I thought I'd never be
A man who has opinions on an ottoman among other things
I used to think I'd miss the road
The crushing fame and sold out shows
I just sing head, shoulders, knees and toes
Like I'd forgotten 'em

But I'm alive and
Baby, I'm thriving
Oh yeah

I'm living my best life
I wake up with the sunrise
It does not look a thing like I thought that it would
I've been getting my steps in
And I sleep with my best friend
It's the best that it has been in a long time
I'm living my best life (living my best life)
Yeah, yeah, living my best life, yeah (living my best life)

Sometimes it sucks to tell the truth
And I took it hard like people do
But I'm learning how to eat the fruit that is in season
Never thought I'd be a grown ass man
But you know what they say of best laid plans
Now I'm holding on to my daughter's hand
I've got a reason

To be alive and
Oh yeah
Baby, I'm thriving
Yeah, yeah

I'm living my best life
I wake up with the sunrise
It does not look a thing like I thought that it would
But I've been getting my steps in
And I sleep with my best friend
It's the best that it has been in a long time
I'm living my best life (living my best life)
Yeah, living my best life, yeah (living my best life)

Come on
I'm living my best life
The best that I can
No more worry or stress life
'Cause I'm done with them
I'm as light as can be
I'm as fresh as a breeze
Right where I wanna be so
If you need to find me

I'll be living my best life
Waking up with the sunrise
Looking at things like what the actual hell
But I've been counting my blessings
And I sleep with my bestfriend
It's the best that it has been for a long time
It's the best that it had been for a long time
I'm living my best life (living my best life)
Yeah, yeah, living my best life, ooh (living my best life)
I've been living my, living my, living my best life, ooh (living my best life)
(Living my best life, ooh)

Education time - different types of Breast Cancer

Did you know that there are at least 15 different types of breast cancer? And that you can have multiple types at the same time. Below are a few of the different types and the rarity (percentages) according to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC)

IDC accounts for 80 percent of breast cancers. Invasive ductal carcinoma begins in the milk duct but has spread outside the duct into other tissues.

Ductal Carcinoma in Situ (DCIS)

DCIS is cancer that began in the milk ducts and has not yet spread. DCIS is usually easy to treat, but it can lead to invasive ductal carcinoma later in life if not treated.

Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC)

ILC accounts for about 10 percent of invasive breast cancers. ILC begins in the lobule of the breast, but it has spread beyond the cells of the lobe into other tissues. This is often called a sneaky cancer because it is so hard to detect.

Lobular Carcinoma In Situ (LCIS)

LCIS is a collection of abnormal cells that forms in the milk-producing cells of the breast. Although the term “carcinoma” implies cancer, the cells in LCIS are not yet cancerous, but they can indicate a higher risk for developing invasive breast cancer later on. LCIS is fairly rare and mostly occurs in women who have not yet entered menopause.

Paget's Disease of the Breast

Also known as Paget’s disease of the nipple, this condition causes an eczema-like appearance to the nipple and areola (the skin surrounding the nipple), which may become red, scaly, and itchy. Nearly all women who develop Paget’s disease of the nipple also have cancer deeper in the breast tissues. Paget’s disease makes up less than 5 percent of breast cancers.

Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC)

IBC is a rare form of breast cancer, accounting for only about 1 percent of cases. Inflammatory breast cancer causes the entire breast to swell and redden or darken, and symptoms become more serious quickly, sometimes within hours. IBC grows and spreads aggressively. IBC is more common in Black women than white women.

There are also different subtypes based on the characteristics of the tumors. Understanding the different subtypes helps to determine the correct treatment plan.

Hormone and HER2 receptor status

The four main subtypes are:

• Luminal A

• Luminal B

• HER2-enriched

• Triple-negative/Basal-like

Typically, patients learn whether their breast cancer is being fueled by estrogen, progesterone, or HER2 receptors—or none of these.

HR-positive breast cancer

This is mine, I was diagnosed estrogen receptor (ER) positive, and progesterone receptor (PR) positive - this is also called hormone receptor positive breast cancer. It is the most common form of invasive breast cancer and has the best outcome when diagnosed early. It is usually treated with hormone suppression.

HER2-positive breast cancer

The mutations in the HER2 gene cause an overproduction of HER2 protein, which drives excessive growth of breast cancer cells. HER2-positive breast cancer tends to be aggressive.

Triple-negative breast cancer

Triple negative breast cancer means it is negative for the three main receptors (estrogen, progesterone and HER2. TNBC accounts for approximately 15 percent of diagnoses. Lauren was IDC Triple Negative.

Our love is forevermore

On this day in 1990, we said I do. Little did we know the mountains and valleys that we would encounter along this 34 year journey. We have lived in six states and two countries, raised four beautiful children, welcomed two more into our family, and have five amazing grandchildren. We truly are blessed.

These past few months have been a true testament of the commitment and love this man has for me. He has sacrificed so much to make sure I am comfortable and well taken care of way past his own needs. He is truly one of a kind and I am forever grateful that he is mine. He will randomly send videos and songs to remind me that he loves me and what I mean to him. I cannot imagine doing life with anyone else. You truly are my best friend and soulmate.

A little marriage advice - pick your battles (not everything is worth arguing or fighting over, almost nothing is), date each other always, never speak down about your partner to others, remember to laugh with each other and make an effort every day to love them.

I love you Goudy, Always N Forever

And the Gold Medal goes to.....

We saw the plastic surgeon this past week and my wound vac was removed! The wound vac was placed last month because the incision in the middle of my belly was not healing properly. I have three problem areas - my left breast, and right hip and middle of my belly incision, everything else is healing quite nicely. The left breast and right hip were not a huge concern, so they chose to do a wound vac on my belly incision to keep me from having to go back in for another surgery. My doctor actually had to argue with the insurance representative for approval. They wanted to wait 30 days prior to approving the wound vac, and he just could not understand why, when surgery would have been inevitable at that point, and the wound vac was to prevent more issues and also keep the cost down. He is awesome, and was able to obtain approval for the wound vac. So for a month, I had what we called my ball and chain. It went wherever I went. I had to take backward showers with the wound vac on a small table outside the shower but still have the tubing reaching in but not get wet; and I learned where I could sit it on the kitchen counter and still reach the trash can and refrigerator without having to move it each time. It is a dance I am glad to have behind me now. Home Health would come three times a week and change out the canister and reapply the bandages that held the wound foam in place. My nurse was very nice and although I will miss our conversations, I am glad that part is behind us now.

Now that the wound vac has been removed, I am able to move on from the belly binder and wear compression garments. The belly binder was irritating the open wound on the right hip, so I was so excited to get rid of the it, but did not have any idea of the new challenges that we would face. Have you ever worn compression garments? They are not for the faint of heart. Compression garments can be tricky and they are not all made the same. I had some in a drawer that fit a little too snugly, nor could I get it on or take it off by myself without help; so I have ordered several different sizes and still trying to find the right one. I went from wearing a binder with cutout panties underneath and maxi pads across my incision (it takes three by the way, that is how long the scar is) to keep it from rubbing on my incision, to now wearing maxi pads, cutout panties (this holds everything in place to be able to use the restroom and it not all fall out), real panties and then the compression garment. By the way, do not wait until the last minute to go to the restroom because shifting and removing compression garments while trying not to pee yourself is not a simple or fast process. We have had to rethink the dressings which were not previously ‘firmly’ attached but stayed in place because of the binder. Now we are finding that everything moves when the compression garment moves. As a result, we have adjusted our approach to wound dressing using gauze and paper tape to increase the probability of keeping everything relatively close to where we need it to stay. Hopefully the tape does not prove to be an issue with my skin as it has with different types of tape.

We also were able to ditch the surgical bras and now wear a sports bar. I was also excited about this, as the surgical bra has Velcro tabs on the sides and I was so glad to eliminate this particular irritation because it was rubbing the area under my arms. However, I literally went from being able to dress myself (minus putting on the binder) to now having help putting on the sports bra and the compression garment. Thankfully, I have finally found at least one garment I can take on and off by myself without it hitting the wounds but the sports bra is another matter. It has a clasp and zipper in the front. The clasp is to help hold it together while you get the zipper closed. In addition to creative closure, we still have to dress the left breast, while it is doing better, it still needs a little extra care. So we still have wound care in the mornings and in the evenings after I take my shower which by the way is a real normal shower, and is the most glorious thing!

We are having our own Olympic games over here and Stephen has won every gold medal!

Chin up…

I love this quote!

There is no way to describe the moment you learn that you have breast cancer, whether it is words on a screen after reading the report in your portal or words actually spoken to you in the doctor’s office. Even though I had the weekend to prepare for those fateful words on the screen Monday morning, nothing truly prepared me for how different our life will forever be changed.

When I went to my oncology appointment last week, I was asked a question that totally took shook me. “How is your depression doing?” Not, do you have moments of depression, do you think you might have some depression, nope, straight on - how IS your depression doing. I am sure I had a dumbfounded look on my face as I was contemplating her question, and then the tears flowed. I had never thought about it. Sure, I have moments where I just silently cry, not because there is a great deal of pain or anything in particular has happened at that very moment but the overwhelming events of everything that has happened physically and emotionally are a lot to handle, and some days I just don’t deal with them very well. I love my oncology nurse, she is so upbeat and happy. She exudes sunshine and positivity, so when she asked me this question I wasn’t ready. She encouraged me to write a separate journal of ALL of my thoughts and feelings, and when I am ready and done to burn it and let it all go. I love this idea, and I am working on this as well.

Prior to all of this, I listened to a lot of books on Audible. I love medical thrillers and crime novels. However, since all of this, I have not been able to concentrate and now I listen to a lot of music. I purposefully choose happy and upbeat songs. It brings me comfort and peace. Every now and then a song sneaks in and the tears flow, sometimes because the lyrics have a much deeper meaning and sometimes because the words just touch my soul differently. My husband is intent on making sure there is nothing but positivity in our life, words, music and outlook. Nothing negative - he will not allow it. Before we received the news of no chemo, he stated there would be no chemo, he refused to utter the words and remained positive. Me, however, I am always the girl who looks at all outcomes because I like to be prepared for whatever may come. My daughter is the same way, and we joke about it sometimes. As some see it a little morbid, but we like to be prepared. Well, I can assure you, cancer throws all of that out the window, as you never know what path YOU will take and where it will lead you.

The small things are everything - the hug you desperately needed. The perfect lyric at just the right time. A sweet, understanding smile when you felt overwhelmed with sorrow. The “I’m here for you” texts. The arm around the shoulder when your world feels shaky. The help offered when you’re the most overwhelmed. The book that made you feel seen for a moment. The sunrise that stopped your thoughts from racing for a moment. The phone call that made you laugh and forget for a moment. The small things are the light-bringers, the hopeful glimmers.

When we received the Oncotype test results (prior to my DRs appointment), I messaged my kids and told them. My daughter, as some of you know, had Triple Negative IDC Breast Cancer in 2020. It was very aggressive and she endured so much to overcome and beat it. She still deals with the aftermath every day. Even though the cancer may be gone, the after effects of chemo still take a hard toll on her body and mind. She came over after that message and gave me the longest hug and was a little tearful. She was so grateful that I did not have to have chemo. I was tearful because I felt guilty of not requiring chemo, and still have those feelings, not because I wanted chemo but the tears and emotions are what is referred to as survivors guilt. I have mixed emotions. I am beyond grateful that I do not have to have chemo or radiation; however, sometimes I have an emotional response of remorse and sadness for those that have endured these treatments. I am still working through this process.

I love the cards that I receive, like the one pictured here, ‘Chin up Tits Out’ - it made me laugh! It is from a dear friend that I have known since first or second grade (cant remember). She is the best encourager and full of sunshine, even though she struggles daily with her own unique challenges, she still finds ways to make sure others feel loved. This card and some of the others I have received have helped on the days that I feel overwhelmed with this new way of life and body. While I do not have to have chemo or radiation, I will be on hormone suppressors for 5-10 years, and those come with their own set of challenges. The struggle right now is recovery, regaining my strength and overcoming the wound healing challenges, along with the mental and emotional struggles. Stephen has been my rock and savior through all of this - there are days I feel like a burden because of everything he has had to take on in this journey. However, he does everything out of love and never once complains.

Some day this chapter will close, and we will move on to better and brighter days, until then Chin Up and Tits out - We’ve Got This!

Much love,

Deandra

Beyond Blessed

It has been a month since my surgery, and I wanted to reach out and say thank you for all of the texts, calls, cards, visits, and thoughts/prayers during this time. They are all very much appreciated and I am beyond blessed at the show of love and concern.

My work set up a meal train and a few others also sent some meals which we are so very grateful as it took a lot of pressure off of Stephen during the first few weeks while we learned a new routine. Not having to plan for dinner was a huge burden lifted. A special thank you goes out to the ‘Bahrain Misfits’ - love you guys!

Keep those prayers, good thoughts/juju coming - they are still needed!

So very blessed,

Stephen & Deandra

Shout it from the mountain tops!

Today was a day I had been dreading as we were to meet with the oncologist to see if I needed chemo or not. We were awaiting the results of the oncotype test. ILC is not like other breast cancers and whether you have chemo or not all depends on certain factors - size of tumor, lymph node involvement and the ultimate test they run, the oncotype test. Since my tumor was on the smaller size and no lymph node involvement, it came down to the test. Prior to my appointment, I received an email giving me the results of this test. I looked at the email knowing all I had to do was hit one button and the answer would be right there for me to see. I knew how to read the results, all my waiting could be over in just a few seconds….but I hesitated, scared knowing that once again my life could go a different direction in the click of a button.

The oncotype test is a tumor profiling test that can help determine if chemotherapy is beneficial in addition to hormone therapy in treatment for estrogen positive cancers like mine. For my age group there are two different scoring categories 0-25 and 26-100. My oncotype score is an 18. The benefit would be less then 1% and would not outweigh the risks of side effects. NO CHEMO!!! I was beyond excited and so grateful. We waited for the appointment to share the news to make sure that we were reading the results correctly and that there were not any surprise curve balls.

The next course of treatment with my oncologist, once the wound vac has been removed, is to start Tamoxifen. My body isn’t quite in menopause even though the majority of the women my age are, the three tests they use to determine that factor disagree with each other. So we will redo blook work in November and re-evaluate then if we will continue Tamoxifen or switch to an aromatase inhibitor.

It is still a little odd to me and surreal, because for me I associate breast cancer and chemo as things that always go together. However, I will take this win and celebrate this victory. After the appointment, we had a celebratory cupcake. Today marks one month since my surgery and reconstruction; except for the wound vac everything is moving along well. Now if we can just get this incision healed, we would be doing so much better!

Have a wonderful weekend
Love
Deandra

Late Night Epiphanies

Things I want to talk about or share often come at the oddest moments. I literally could be moments from dozing off and my brain is like, hey, you need to share and talk about this; or at 4 am, which is my new wake up apparently, it decides to do the same thing. I swear if there isn’t a lighted pen already invented somebody hurry up and get to it. It would be great to be able to jot down the brief words of wisdom and not wake anyone up in the process because of all the lights needed to see.

A little over two months ago, things in my life were pretty normal. Mini vacations were being planned, long vacations were being discussed. Our annual summer weekend water park trips were just getting started, which for me was something I thoroughly enjoyed. It truly was my happy place and a time to relax. I am a planner you see, I like to know in advance the events that are going to happen in my life. Typically if you ask me what I am doing the next few weekends, I can tell you. I am not, as you say, a ‘fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal’! It has been really hard these past two months of the unknown, not knowing what would happen - radiation, chemo, what meds they will prescribe since mine is hormone positive, and the waiting. The waiting is the hardest part.

Have you watched Father of the Bride 2? You know the part in the opening scene where he is talking about moving forward with life, one child married, one soon to be in college, then he states “They lowered the boom on me, it was like that old joke ‘all those who think they have made it, take one step forward, not so fast George banks”. This is a little of what the beginning of all of this felt like. You see at the beginning of the year Stephen and I made plans to pay off all of our debt so that we can do some of the things we really want to do - invest in a few rent houses, go on some of our bucket list trips, and a few other things. We also have been on a weight loss journey the past year and a half and have made remarkable strides, albeit slowly, but we prefer it that way. Right before all of this reared its ugly head, my main concern for myself was to get under 200 lbs. I had a goal of 150-175, and still do, though the number on the scale doesn’t matter near as much to me right now. Then comes May and life says, um hang on, those steps forward you took, take about 20 spaces back.

The weight loss journey we were on though set up the stage nicely for me to be able to have what is called a Diep flap reconstruction. They basically give you a tummy tuck and reconstruct new breasts from your own fat, pretty cool, right?! The surgeon removes skin, fat, and blood vessels from the abdomen and uses a microscope to connect the blood vessels in the flap to vessels in the chest. The surgeon then shapes the flap to reconstruct the breast. I had been wanting to do a tummy tuck and breast lift; however, the cost was much more than I was willing to take on as debt and we had goals - pay off our existing debt to be debt free. Guys, you need to be specific LOL. I am forever grateful for this process; however, I would in a heartbeat go back to worrying about the teetering scale of 201-203 every day, and waiting for that tummy tuck and breast fix. My new ‘boobs’ are interesting, almost like they aren’t mine and that in itself sometimes is an emotional roller coaster. My awesome daughter, who has walked this path prior to me, has tried to prepare me for some of this. You listen and you hear, but until you truly walk that path you do not know the gravity of those words. She told me, Mom, it is your decision to have nipples or not, but be aware whichever you choose, it will F*ck with you mentally. She is not wrong.

This whole process is a lot, very overwhelming at times where you just stop and think I don’t want to do this anymore. The constant pain, keeping up with your medication, making sure you are getting the right amount of protein and foods to help the healing process, the do’s and don’ts of wound care, are you drinking enough water? asking for help for things that you had no idea you would need (opening a water bottle, washing your hair, using the bathroom, getting dressed and so many other things) - I have a wonderful partner who is my partner in crime but right now has basically put his life on hold to make sure anything and everything I need is granted and made easier for me. I cannot imagine my life without him nor without his invaluable help and grace throughout this process.

So far, I have only had one surgery (phase 1). The potential for more still remains, so the surgical journey is not necessarily over. Healing after each phase is a challenge in and of itself. The doctors added a wound vac to my abdomen to help promote better healing and decrease the risk of suture separation. Still on the horizon are potential revisions to correct issues the doctors see and/or make adjustments for my personal preference (how it looks to me).

You read about so many others who have to have radiation, chemo, revision surgeries for failed reconstruction, and so much more that they do not or cannot talk about. It is hard for many to describe in clear terms the emotion impact of the disease, the surgeries, and the general hard left turn that is forced upon you when going through this type of life event. As you read this, please understand that a medical determination of “cancer free” is not the end of the story. It is a cloud of concern and a constant need for vigilance the rest of your life because of the ever present “however minute” risk of recurrence as well as the necessity for life change due to the medical supplements that become part of your every day routine. I share these thoughts and comments not to seek pity or declare the woe is me, but rather in my attempt to communicate the breadth and levity of this very real life altering event. I am trying to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

My Knight and Soulmate

I have always said that the relationship Goudy and I have is not the norm. And I have often told him that I wish I could clone him and pass him out to those who needed him, then the world would be such a better place. He has such a huge heart, would literally do anything for you and is loyal sometimes to a fault. He has always been my rock, my best friend and my soulmate. I could not imagine going through this journey with anyone else.

The moment we found out about the cancer, he has been my biggest cheerleader. He exudes positivity and refuses for any negativity to be spoken. He does, however, allow me to have my moments, expressing my fears and listens and allows me to be heard. He has rearranged his schedule to ensure that he is available for every appointment, MRIs, breast surgeon, plastic surgeon - all of it. He has been there every step of the way. I have always said that this is OUR journey as cancer not only affects the patient but the entire family. Yes, it is my body that is enduring the testing, the surgeries, the recovery. However, the emotional aspects are sometimes overlooked as this is a very draining journey - both physically and emotionally for EVERYONE. Every moment is consumed by making sure I am comfortable, medication schedule, caring of the drains and incisions, all of the housework (laundry which is done at least once a day if not twice depending on sheets/towels and my clothing, dishes, trash), feeding of farm animals. He literally is the chef, maid, butler and nurse every moment of every day.

I am so grateful for his support and help throughout this entire process. His job has been so very supportive as well; allowing him to rearrange his schedule to be at every appointment and make sure that my needs are met first and continue to ask how I am doing but also how he is doing.

He makes us breakfast every morning, our special concoction of coffee, my Juven (nutritional powder for wound healing - he makes two of these each night prior to bed for the next day), a protein source and my first set of meds. He has alarms for throughout the day for all the medications the doctor has prescribed and will text me if he is not here to make sure I have taken them. There are so many things that you are limited by because of this surgery, or surgeries rather. We had a bidet installed prior to surgery (best thing every by the way) because you are very limited in your reach after surgery. Need a bottle opened? You need someone to do it for you, need something down from the shelf? you need someone to do that for you as well. So many day to day ‘normal activities’ are now out of reach. The first week, he bathed me and washed my hair. He also has to dress me, help me put on my compression bra and binder that I have to wear for six weeks (this sometimes seems like an Olympic sport). We have a routine - 8 pm each evening he strips/cleans my drains, I take a shower (which now I can do by myself though he still keeps an eye on me) this takes about an hour. We then fix some tea, have a nice little slice of homemade banana bread (he is becoming quite the baker) and some hot tea and watch House Hunters International. I love routines, they make me feel safe. Though I typically fall asleep by the last show and then I get the last of my meds and off to bed we go. We have a Tempur-pedic bed which raises up and down - never knew how wonderful this really was until now. Does he complain that it is higher than normal - no, because that is not who he is at all.

This is just a glimpse in who he is and his side of this whole journey. He does not complain, he never seems put out and is always making sure my comfort comes first. When I say he is my everything, I mean it. He completes me in every way I never knew I needed.

A Day of Celebration

Yesterday was a very busy day. Coffee was made, animals were fed and we were out the door just after 8 am for our 9:30 am appointment. We live about an hour out from town (due to traffic most of the times) so we have to plan accordingly and especially for all the crazy construction right now.

Our first stop was the plastic surgeon. He was going to check the incisions, bruising, and drain output. We talked about the drains that Stephen has to clean twice a day. I joked about offering shots (that is what they look like) well okay maybe for a vampire but still. I was a little anxious as not knowing what this visit would entail because technically this is MY first ILC rodeo. They took us back into a room and asked me to disrobe from the waist up. Ha, this is quite the process. There is a shirt that has pockets to hold my drains (keeps them in a safe place), my Masthead surgical convertible bra (these things are amazing and so comfortable). The bra has two rings on each side that hold the drains. But wait….stop right there - did either of us think about bringing a lanyard to hold the drains? Nope, again first rodeo, but my loving husband asked the front desk if they had one we could borrow and problem solved. Next, there is the abdominal binder, this contraption is such a pita. The binder is to help the healing processing by adding support to your stomach and help restrict fluid buildup. I have to wear disposable panties underneath to help with the irritation on what I lovingly call my ‘Joker scar’ (because it is literally hip to hip - “why so serious” - insert Heath Ledgers Joker voice). I know it serves a great purpose, but it does not make me like it any more.

My drains have been my nemesis more so than the binder, well the left upper one to be exact. It has been quite pissed off. Not sure who offended it as we have tried to be gentle and loving with each of them. But it decided to create the most issues (more pain and nuisance than anything). Y’ALL HE TOOK THOSE DRAINS OUT! I am now only sporting two drains - one for each hip, and as long as those behave they will come out next week. I do have to keep antibiotic ointment on the breast drain incisions and a band aid for a few days - this is chump change comparatively to this past week. He said my breasts and the bruising looks good, and so does my incision area. I literally teared up and almost cried in the office - the freedom felt after those drains were removed is indescribable. I have an appointment next Tuesday for follow-up and to remove one of the hip drains (as long as they are behaving and then at the end of the week for the other). I was so elated that I almost forgot about the pathology report looming over my head.

Now we were off to see the breast surgeon and discuss the pathology report - the dreaded lymph node report. We had a little time to kill as she was still in surgery, so we went over to the hospital and had some coffee and a lemon loaf as a treat. Finally, it was time for our appointment, and off we went. Again, we were showed to our room and asked to disrobe - only this time just the shirt and bra. It literally took more time to disrobe than she was there in the office. Pathology report shows clear margins and NO LYMPH INVOLVEMENT! This is beyond wonderful news. This means no radiation (which honestly I feared more than chemo). So much comes with radiation that I am so beyond grateful to not have to travel that path.

Our next major appointment is July 10th when we meet with the oncologist. She ultimately decides the next treatment course. There is a test that will be ordered, oncotype, and this is a determination of whether or not chemo is required. Believe it or not, chemo and ILC do not always work well together. Weird, because I am sure you are like me and just think chemo and breast cancer go hand in hand. However, that is not always the case. So, now we wait and see, and during this time I will do my best to rest, as I often forget that I literally had major surgery and want to do so many things but I am quickly reminded that I cannot either by my body or my husband.

Hope you and your family have a wonderful and safe holiday!
Much Love,
Stephen & Deandra